The Face of Herpes...Treatment, that is.

Auditions are usually very short.  The ones I've been to allowed you about 4.8 minutes to shine and make an impression the casting directors won't forget.  It's very common for me to think as I'm walking out of the door, "Damn!  I was JUST getting warmed up!"  If I'm really lucky, the voices in my head will bring up a hundred different ways that I could have done better.  I find that eating ice cream usually shuts them up.

Well, I guess I must have shined (shone?) in one particular audition, or at least produced a tiny bit of reflection, because I got a callback.  It was for some reality show that I'm not even sure I can go into.  Whatever the case, the second part was an interview with the producers.





Now, I love chit chatting with people.  Plus, these producers were very down-to-Earth and a great audience for me.  Or so I thought.

Since it was a reality show, I figure they wanted me to be me.  Somehow we got onto the topic of famewhores.

Me:  "I think people get unfairly tossed into the "famewhore" category.  Honestly, isn't there a difference between these two people?  Person 1 is someone who just wants to remain a hot topic and goes to every paparazzi hotspot, gets raunchy, starts drama, exposes some crotch, airs out the dirty laundry of a personal relationship to the public to be on the cover of a magazine.  Then Person 2 is someone who does commercials and reality shows to stay relevant in the business.  Person 2 is made up to sound like some famewhore loser for doing commercials beneath him/her."

(Then with a not-so-smooth segueway)  "I mean, I have noooo qualms about doing "loser" commercials.  ACTUALLY, you know what I'd LOVE to do?! (snapping my fingers and smiling crazily) A herpes treatment commercial!!  I would send a copy of me in the Valtrex commercial inside everyone's Christmas cards that year!  THAT WOULD BE AWESOME...."

I got pulled back from my Valtrex reverie only to find the producers staring blankly at me.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job.  I now realize that I fare better on short auditions that minimize my talking...or even better, with a script.